Being Single

Not really book-related, but I just have to write about my frustration. I just deleted myself from an online dating site. They tried to renew my membership without asking me. Good thing the account they tried to get the money from had none on it. So I deleted my profile on the page. It was pretty useless anyway, I had one date from there. The guy didn't friend me back on Facebook, and didn't answer the text message I sent a few days after. He friended me back a week later, and wrote to me a month after! Seriously??? I didn't bother replying. He was clearly not very interested. Or he expected me to sleep with him on the first date? Fat chance.

 

I'm almost 32, and totally frustrated. There are no decent places to meet people around here. I don't do nightlife, and I hear a lot of GHB stories from those places anyway. I heard waiters put it into the drinks for a price! I'm not big on clubbing anyway.

At work all the guys are either taken, or ugly. Though that seems to be a general problem with the male population of this country. They just don't take care of themselves. Many are overweight (I seriously have an issue with fat men, I'm just repulsed), don't change their clothes for days, wear everything until it falls off, only then decide to buy something.

Also, why are they so incapable? Even the few I have gone out with in the past 7 years, didn't ask me out. One asked me through a friend, the other I found on a site and asked out. They can't order off a menu at a restaurant. Can't plan a holiday. I played mother to my last boyfriends, down to suggesting to teach one how to use a washing machine. He was taking all his dirty clothes home to mama!

It also seems like all the more decent ones are gone by the time they hit 30. I didn't date during college. I went to school, went to belly dance, and stayed at home. Though most of my classes only had women in them. I was never the type to party, so I never went.

I was never good at the whole dating thing. I had one boyfriend for a few months during high school. It may be that we didn't have men in the family, and my mum was always very protective. I thought that dating would just happen naturally. You know, you go to places, meet people, and someone likes you, they ask you out, you hold hands and go from there. That isn't working, and I have no idea what to do about it. Online dating is a bust. I'm so terrible at this whole thing.

 

Sorry about the rant, but I'm so tired of being alone! I want a family. A baby. To not be so alone anymore. I've been single for 3 years straight, and it doesn't look like it's going to change. Maybe I should just give up on the whole thing. But I always wanted a child, and you can't get that without a man. It's illegal to get an artificial insemination as a single woman in my country, I checked. Though probably that wouldn't be a good idea anyway, because they give you a lot of hormones, and with the cancer history in my family, it'd be very risky. Plus I'm not sure I could do it financially, since there is no job security anymore.

I'm getting desperate, and really sad. This isn't how I wanted to live my life. I want it to change, but have no idea how to do that.